I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
