thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
