I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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