I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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