We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
