Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
