I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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