those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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