I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize