i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
