i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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