I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she smelled like a LAN party
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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