yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
