im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just threw up on my dentist
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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