Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
