Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
