I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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