I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
