Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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