She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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