he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
