I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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