What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
