is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
