I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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