i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Barsexuality is the new black.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
