he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
