My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
