Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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