just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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