I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
