I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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