Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
