when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.