She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i love accidental penises.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?