but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"