This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
