I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.