you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize