Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420