Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me