you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
