he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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