I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
