The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
