I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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