Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
