i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
