i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
