non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
