OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
