Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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