You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
