I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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