Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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