I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
