and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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