here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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