I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
