He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
