smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
