R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
