All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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