you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
