Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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