508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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