note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
