My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
