The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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