I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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