Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
