Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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