She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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