She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
