I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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