at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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