I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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