He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
