fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
