eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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