Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
