And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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