Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had to cum in my sink.
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