I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
