he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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