I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
