oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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