wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
