Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
