Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
