You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
